New Updates and Old Directions
So, despite my best intentions, updates on the blog have become extremely sporadic. I could claim that I’ve been busier than usual lately, but that isn’t true. I am busy but I’ve been far busier and still posted three times a week like clockwork. The truth is more complicated. On the one hand there has been a series of events in my personal life that have sent me for a loop, events I haven’t felt ready to write about. On the other hand I’ve lost a lot of motivation and inspiration for new posts. I’ve sat down and thought about this, and I think I’ve been able to isolate why.
I’ve lost my sense of direction.
To be fair, I never really had much of a sense of direction for this blog in the first place. From the very first post I didn’t really know what to write about. Christianity, video games, writing, movies, webcomics, filmmaking, I didn’t know what I was supposed to write. On the other hand I knew exactly why I was writing in the first place. I was writing so that I could become better at writing. It didn’t really matter what I wrote about, as long as I wrote it as well as I could. Writing was the point; everything else was secondary.
So I wrote about video games and books and history and anything else that popped into my head. If I had an interesting idea or learned about something exciting I’d write about it as well as I could. If I had no ideas at all then I would find something to write about, even if it was only thinly veiled blathering about the fact that I can’t find anything to write about. The point was to keep the schedule: three posts a week, and only put up a link if you’re desperate.
But then I missed an update. And then another one. And then I missed a whole week. With every post I missed I felt less bad about missing more. “Oh, shoot, it’s midnight on Tuesday and I haven’t written a post for Wednesday? Well it’s too late to write something now. I’ll just let is slide until I’m less tired and can do it properly.” Then, of course, I would never get back to it at all. Letting it slide one day turned into one week. Then just thinking about the blog brings feelings of guilt. It’s a vicious cycle.
And while the filler posts were becoming shorter and shorter, the posts I felt were really important became longer and longer. I started to feel disdain for writing posts that I didn’t really care about. I wanted to write about exciting, interesting, and vital subjects like apologetics and helping the poor. This is a noble sentiment, but it only compounded my procrastination problem. If I couldn’t find something “important” to write about then it became easier not to write anything at all. Do you know why I haven’t posted anything in ages? It’s because at the end of my last big post I said that I had more to talk about on the subject. Then, when it came time to write my next post, I couldn’t really think of much to actually write about. I didn’t feel inspired. I wanted to talk about something else, but I knew that I had promised to keep writing about naturalism. In the end I wrote about nothing. Which brings us to today.
I’ve gained a few followers thanks to my posts on apologetics, but this blog is, at its core, a blog about writing. I need to be able to get back to that or I wont be able to write at all. Yes, I will without a doubt be writing about apologetics in the future. But I’ll also be writing about movies and history and writing and webcomics and anything else I want to. Maybe that’s not the best way to go to create a succesful blog, but I have to remember what success is about. Success is writing something and knowing that someone, somewhere, will read it. Failure is writing nothing because you’re afraid not enough people will be interested in it.